JOURNAL

Trust Me, It’s Worth It

There are a billion and one quotes about trust out there, but after scrolling through Pinterest for twenty minutes and not finding even one that gives the message I’m looking for, I decided to take things into my own hands. This is what I came up with, and I believe it one hundred percent.

Trust is worth it. Even when life feels dark and absent of hope, it’s worth it to rise up and trust one more time.

As humans, we don’t tend to take betrayal very well. It’s natural to want revenge, and to be angry at the person or people that hurt us. When the time comes to give someone else a chance, we are going to hesitate because of the old nightmares we remember.

At least I did.

In my case, it was extremely difficult to trust someone without questioning the truth of their words, and questioning how seriously they took the task of loving my heart and my body. I’d been hurt, and I had convinced myself that A) I wasn’t worth any man’s time, and B) I wasn’t going to let myself get hurt like that again.

I was hardened to the idea of trying again, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t worth it. But then I met him — my now husband — and I realized how wrong I’d been. I was dictating the course of my future based on the principle that because a few boys had shattered my heart, there was no hope. 

Before I met my husband, I was willing to stay single forever if it meant I didn’t have to go through another unhealthy relationship again.

But then I met him, and he changed me. Actually, God changed me. Hear me out.

If we had lived our lives according to our own plan, we would not be together. We may not have even crossed paths. I’d moved to Oregon to house-sit with a friend while her grandparents left for warmer weather further South. My plan was to stay for five months, then move back to Idaho.

My husband was offered a job running a hostel in Belize, which is his dream, let me tell you. He felt convicted to turn down the job offer and come back to Oregon for a bit. During the third month of me living in Oregon, we met, and I knew I had to give this a chance.

How could it not be the right thing to at least pursue this for awhile?

There wasn’t a specific moment where I transferred from scared-to-death-of-trusting-someone, to okay-let’s-try-one-more-time. It wasn’t a night and day change; in fact, I still occasionally struggle with trust issues from my past.

But things got better, and they still do, with time. God orchestrated our lives so that we would meet and grow to be best friends. I trust my husband, and through this situation and others, I’ve grown to trust God with my future as well.

Trust issues are one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. It isn’t easy. But when you feel that nudge to take that leap of faith again, I encourage you to go for it. Close your eyes if you’re afraid of heights, clench your knuckles if you’re scared.

But try again.

Because it’s worth it to trust one. more. time.

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