JOURNAL

Autumn Blues

Sometimes I get into a funk.

I hold in all my worries, stresses, and thoughts until I can’t take it anymore and then my husband is usually the one who is left to deal with my breakdowns or attitudes. I’ve heard many other women say that they struggle with this same situation as well, and I decided I would write a blog post to at least begin diving into the problem, and hopefully offer some solutions.

I have to start by saying I am not a psychologist or therapist. I’ve simply noticed a pattern in my life, and want to fix it (with the hopeful added benefit that it will also help others).

The most logical place to start is the “why?”. WHY does this keep happening, and why do I react the way I do?

Personally, I know that because I am a people pleaser, I have a tendency to hide the bad stuff from people so that I look better on the outside and so that I don’t burden others with my issues. I do this even when on the inside, I am falling apart. Thankfully, I’ve conquered some of my previous depression tendencies, but this phase is a dangerous place for people who struggle with depression.

As it is, it’s difficult to remember our worth, and when we begin to hide the insecurities and anxious thoughts that bombard our mind, it becomes even more difficult to pull ourselves out of the funk.

We compare ourselves to others, critique ourselves for NOT having it all together, and feel even worse when we “fail” at being our best selves for everyone around us.

Next is the “what” question. What is this feeling, and what can I do about it?

I wouldn’t label this depression, because I think of depression as more of a dark cloud that suffocates you slowly until you either break or you decide you’ve had enough of it and take steps to change.

This is more of a temporary feeling. It happens when too many little things build up to the point where you just have to burst and vent to someone. Or if you’re like me, you might occasionally just get angry at the world for a couple of days.

So, what can I do about it?

Honestly, a few days ago, I wouldn’t have had a clue. I was in this exact funk, and I didn’t know where to start. Every time I tried to get out of it, something else would happen and put me right back at square one.

But then I saw this quote on social media, and it was so good that I had to put it as my phone’s lock screen. It said, “Joy : gladness not based on circumstances.”

That changed everything for me. I had a right to feel down in the dumps. Things kept happening that gave me permission to feel sad and angry and frustrated.

But joy.

Joy is not based on those things. Happiness, maybe. But not joy. We have the power and ability to rise above.

And so I did. Will you?

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